There are so many girls in porn. // shes as beautiful as the sky she walks under.

the internet ruined porn for me.

---

They fall in love on a day to day basis, but at the end of the day there is no love to be made unless its under the scripture of a canadian pieeeee tree, with pies for leaves and lies for bud.

To counter dict such a dirty fancy from taking place in the modern world you have to take the virtue to jump off buildings when you get the chance... JUST KIDDING. jumping off buildings is a bad idea, i mean you wont feel like you're flying, you'd only feel like you're falling.

If you want to fly take a boat trip and if you want to float take the car. the difference between inconsistency and the constant is the hourly wage. yeah sure, she might be in love with you but are you paying her to be the one? do you have to buy her candies to keep interested in you. my dog leia even gets unhappy when she doesn't. but i always share my food with her because it makes her smarter and one day she will build a cocoon and come out with wings, than ill be flying my dog instead of walking her.

there was a time when the most attractive girl was special but now i think they are all wonderful, especially those who think for themselves, and believe only in what they believe is the way to keep it going

MAKING GOOD LOVING TO YOUR COSMETIC SURGEON BECAUSE HE KNEW WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE BEFORE

its became so easy to be cool when all the not cool assholes started pretending to be cool and all the other not cool assholes started pretending to be cool with them. now everyone thinks their cool because its so easy to be cool, you just have to shop at h&m and go drink blue ribbon at bars. and the assholes that think they are cool are such losers that dont know how to be cool that they are nice to everyone so everyone there is like a whirlwind of not cool people conforming to each other. sometimes there is a guy that is mean but that guy usually is stressed because he ripped the epidermis on his cock jerking off too much to VICE magazines.

I HAF TO SHAVE B3FORE WE KISS

YO DUDE SOMETIME IN THE PAST A GIRL WAS LIKE ILL DATE U IF YOU CAN GROW A BEARD, SHE WAS A CUNT AND I WAS LIKE DUDE THIS IS WHAT HCICKS MUST WANT, SO I TRIED TO GROW A BEARD NOW IM 23 AND GUESS WAHT!!!! I CANT ALMOST GROW ONE, SOME CHICKS ARE ALWAYS KISSING ME AND STUFF AND IM LIKE DUDE CALM DOWN SAVE SOME ROOM FOR THE MASTER BEDROOM WITH THE VIEW OF THE HORIZON BUT DUDE SHE DOESNT GET IT SHE WANTS TO GIVE IT TO ME THAN END THEREE NAD IM ALLLLL LIKE OH BABY CALM DOWN I CANT DO IT IN A BATHROOM I NEED TO CUDDLE AND PINCH SHE SAYS TAKE ME BEAUTIFUL, SO I TRIED TO TAKE HER BUT IT WASNT LIKE A MOVIE BECAUSE I COULDNT TAKE CARE OF MY SELF!!!!... IF A GUY GOT MAD AT ME FOR TALKING TO A GIR LTHAT HE LIKES BECAUSE SHE IS INTERSED IN MY HUGS AND KISSES I SAID DUDE CALM DOWN CHILL, SHE SAID OH NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! I WANT ULAS NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY AND HAVE STUPID TATTOO, ISAID HEY MAN I CAN GET A TATTOO TO AND A GIRL WILL LIKE IT BECAUSE IM A GENTLE MAN NOT ATATTOO OF ASEA HORSE ON A PONY! PERHAPS U NEED TO TAKEA WALK BREWSTEIN.

SO GIRLS ARE LIKE BUTTERFLIES THEYRE SO GENTLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND FRAGIL, BEACUSE IF U TOUCH HER WINGS THAN SHE WILL DIE!!!1 DONT WANT TO GO TO JAIL!

some guy wanted to kick my ass on st. pats day ... 2009

yeah right , as if.. total fucking neanderthal douchebags dong exist enough, this night is the only night of the year where they get drunk enough to get confused over their sexualities, every bar i went to at least 1 dude in a ed hardy shirt and a 15$ value brand new york yankee hat wanted to kick my ass or call me gay.

all i did was walk by and some cunt on the run says to my friend, i wish i was a fag, as we walked by, when i turned around and said, i can help you if you want he got a little confused, when i came back out for a smoke he was standing their with like 3 of his friends, and the guy walked into me like a dumbass, i didnt really care cause i was tired had a headache and dont know how to fight, boy i wish indy was there,

than marc was talking to these girls and the same group of mother fuckers were like trying to talk to these girls but the girls were all saying to us like "these assholes keep talking to us, they need to fuck off" but they still kept being dickheads.

i think these assholes need total fucking patroling because they dont see fit to modern society with their ancient ways of aggression release, i dont even know what i just said but fuck it.

if you work out or play foot ball or are fat but fight a lot chances are you will probably kick my ass, whatever dude. the day rolls over you're still pieces of shits.

i assume i would do the same thing too if i went to a bar drunk with a bunch of fat dickheads who couldn't get a girl to talk back to them for the life in them. maybe im the real alpha male because i can have a conversation with a girl you spent your entire life trying to get with, just by being myself ? i think for sure.

If i was a greek god id be alpha male, id love to have girls fan me with jungle branches and feed me grapes while i smokin' da erb and making love to beautiful womans. yeah dude, now that i think about it im a pretty nice guy that should have a pretty awesome girl that dresses awesome under my arm, with big frame glasses, bangs, and long sweater. than i'd get into less trouble from asshole dickheads who want to get some of this turkish deeeelight. just kidding, im not so full up on myself.

ladies within the week i will be posting an application that will request photos and stuff to apply for as my Wednesdays night date. of course no one will really fill out an application and i will look like a total loser, and no different than the douche bags that want to beat me up everywhere i go.

i'm no lover or fighter, perhaps a bit of a rock n roller. but non the less i can be a pretty cool accessory.

guys please don't threat me, i like to have good evenings

HEY SPACE GIRL, WHERE YOU GOING WITH MY HAT

Its almost like bad haircuts and pleather jackets define the youth of our generation. Running into your Friday night passion play at the std clinic is a good sign. however when she realizes you're a monday morning regular, you can kiss your shot of finding love in a strange place goodbye.

maybe its yesterdays news with todays gloss.

It's a game no one realizes they're playing.

...

I was about to kick some fucking ass when this bad boy cop officer stopped my hand from crushing some skull, some jock rock loving hillbilly from the mountain was like, yo you dress like my girlfriend, i simply replied, you're gay. he got all upset threw some limp bizkit lyrics my way as i flicked my cigarette at him
before i knew it he was all up in my face trying to like get angry and stuff i told him i knew karate and he should back the fuck off before i threw him into a mobile runner.

he went for a swing i dodged with ninja cat reflex i back elbowd him and he went doooooown.

cop was like im gonna let you peoples elbow him i said fuck you man im gonna do the sharp shooter on him.

he tapd out and now im the new champion.

As The Day Blossoms Into Night

People always ask me, "Ulas, where do you get your figure, you should show me how to be fit" I say to them "I do laps around the bar. don"t you?"

Scott says i have Mick Jaggers singing voice, if you imitate something for a long time you could pick it up too. It's like that girl back two thousand years ago, she probably heard her mother getting railed by a sack of drunken douche after a night at town central, yelling OH GOD! , and she assumed hey i guess that's what you're supposed to say when you're getting coined.

unfortunately 2000 years later we still have to live it, the annoyance of a girl moaning "OH GOD" repeatedly, as if to say..." "

I'm more of a fan of moaners. at least you know they are really trying to break the wave.

I'm pretty sure around the same time boys discover masturbation, girls pick up the "oh god" routine.

I guess it beats a girl staring blank in your face for the first 2 minutes of sex. Maybe girls can pick up a new routine, for the first 2 minutes of sex just read a book or something, or tell dirty stories. eventually when you get comfortable enough take it to a kitchen and prepare an after snack while the magic really isn't happening .

I'd like to be a fan of the bathroom encounters, its not really an area of expertise but i can imagine getting a lot of other peoples piss on your things.


EDIT: imagine a girl staring at you with no reaction, that'll really boost confidence

RUNWAY LESSONS: MEOW MIX

Hey are you not good looking enough to be a real model, but love cocaine and bulimia?
Have you had over 6 facial reconstruction operations but still dont gleam genic for the camera?

Don't get hung up there is hope for you yet.
Doctors claim that runways models are just as succesful as magazine dogs, if not more succesful.
Designers are looking for not very attractive facial featured models all the time, as long as you have some sort of a characteristic and look good in clothes (by being skinny and tall (like myself),

unfortunatly the problem with being a runway model is the famous catwalk, some people cant turn left while others can save the prime minister of malaysia with their good looks.

I am one of the best cat walkers in eastern canada, ive even travelled as far as to europe to teach run way modeling to even the clutsiest models.

My world famous stop and turn has made me millions of dollars, even covered in a local fashion magazine in Milan.

for the low price of 50$ a lessons 4 lessons a month 1 hour each lesson i can teach you how and what to strut when youre walking down that golden mile.

Remember not to look at cameras, you're better than those people filming you <3




Thats Perfect

but there is hope

TIPS FOR DRESS, LEARN 2 COOL

OH HAI!
THIS IS A TIPS AND TRICKS FOR HOW TO DRESS COOL AND BE COOL AND LOVE MANY FEMALES GIRLFRIEND AS POSSIBLE!.

FOR START WE CAN DRESS WITH PANTS, I LIEK TO DRESS MY PANTS SO TIGHT BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE LIKE TO DRESSIN BIG PANTS IF YOU ARE A GANGSTER (THUG)(ALSO NOT FOR VERY COOL).
OR LIKE YOU CAN DRESS IN NORMA L PANTS FOR LIKE DAVID BECKHAM.

2., HARE IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT, IM VERY BAD WITH HAIRE CAUSE I WANT IT LONG LIKE VAMPIRES BUT ITS ALWAYS MESS. SOMETIMES I SAY TO GIRLS "HEYYY, IM GONNA CUT MY HARE THIS WEEK" THEY ALWAYS SAYS "NO, YOU CANT ITS SO GOOD"{ I LOVE TO LISTEN TO COMPLIMENTS IFYOU LISTEN TO MY TIPS YOU CAN GET COMPLIMENTS 2.

LIEK PANTS HARE HAS DIFFERNT SIZE 2, THERE IS SHORT HARE LIKE DA VID BECKHAM, MIDDLE HAIR LIKE DAVID BECKHAM AND KITH RICHRDS, LONG HAIR LIKE, LONG HARES LIKE A WOMANS (BUT MANS CAN LOOK SO GOOD TOO WITH HARE LIKE THIS, VERY DANGERISS EVERYONE CAN THINK YOURE WOMAN IF THEY ARE CONTRUCTION WORKERS.

3. TEH TEEE SHIRT. NOW THIS IS WHEN I TELL YOU GUYS A SURPRIZE FOR WINNING GIRLS, IT WORKS EVERYTIME 5 ME. BUT FIRST LETS GET BASICS GOINEG. THERE IS NORMAL TSHIRT WITH NORMAL COLLAR, DONT BUY THIS ITS WASTE OF TIME IF YOU LIEK GIRLZ. THERE IS V NECK,THIS WAS GOOD FOR WHILE BUT NOW EVERYONE HAS A VNECK. PRETTY SOON TEH VNECK IS GONNA GO DOWN THE STICH OF THE SHIRT, VERY SEXY FOR GIRLS, THEY LOVE MAN WITH TAN,
***THIS IS MY SUPER SECRET, SPOILER ALLERT FOR EVERYONE DO NOT REED IF YOUR NOT RDY FOR SUCCESS, TOO MUCH GIRL OVER LOAD , TOO FAST UPLOAD.

A OVAL NECK SHIRT THAT IS COMING OUT VERY SOON FOR STYLE, GQ OR VOGUE DOESNT EVEN KNOW YET, BUT VERY VERY SOON ITS GONNA BE A NEW SHIRT STYLE LIEK WHERE ITS SEXY LIEK VNECK BUT ITS NOT A V ITS A U FOR ULAS I GOES DOWN AND YOU SEE YOUR CHST AND TAN IF YOU HAVE ONE IF NOT GET A TAN, GIRLS DONT VANT TO SEE THIS CHEST IF THERE ISNT TAN,

IN SUMER SOMETIME U DONT HAVE 2 WEARE A TSHORT BECAUSE MAYBE YOU WANT A TAN, I DONT KNOW BUT IF YOU GOTTO THE BEECH ITS THE BEST PLACE FOR TAN (SECRET: SAWLT WATER MAKES BURNING BETTER ....AAHHHHH ICEY COCA COLA....mmmmm REFRESSHING)

ITS BEST FOR DRESS COOL TO BE FIT LIKE A PRO, I DONT TAKE MY ADVICE SOMETIMES SO I HAVE TO WARE A TSHIRT AT THE BEACH LIKE LAST SUMMAR:(

LULZ OKAY MOVIENG ON

WE COVER MOST BASICZ, OH WAIT I FORGOT SHOES. FOR SHOES YOU HAS 2 OPTIONS. ONE IS CLASSIC VANS, YOU DONT WANT CHUCK NORRIS'S SHOES BECAUSE THEY AR FOR BASKETBALL AND KARATE ... KEEYAAAAA
OMG MAKE SURE YOUR SHOES HAS LACES OR YOU LOOK LIKE JOKE

NOW FOR ACCESSORY LIKE B=RACELTS BELTS OR UNDERWHERE

I LIEK TO WEAR BRACLET 3 ON ONE ARM SOMETIMES AND I LIEK TO WARE THE RING WHEN I PLAY GUITAR. I ALSO WARE UNDERWHER BECAUSE I DONT WEAR BELTS, YOU CAN PICK YOU CAN CHOOOSE ITS YOUR STYLE I CAN ONLY GIVE TIPS NOT MAKE YOU WARE WHAT I WANT.

FOR HAT YOU DONT WARE FOR WINTER, HATS HAS TO BE BLAKC ALWAYS.
IF YOU WARE A SAILER HAT YOU HAVE TO WARE IT WITH STRIUPE SHIRT TO WEAR PROPERLI.
(I DOTN WARE SAILYER HAT BECUSE I NEVER WENT FISHING).. OH DONT BE FULLED I KNO I DONT HAVE A HAT LIEK IT BUT I STILL KNOW FOR MY HAT .

YOU CAN HAS STYLES LIKE RAPPER (*THUG), OR LIEK MACHO MANS (OOOHHHH YEHHHH SLIM JIM LULZ J/K) BUT MACHO MAN STYLE IS FOR LEVEL 1 BEGINERS THEY HAS TO HAVE BIG MUSKLES, THEY HAVE PROBLEM IN THEYRE BRAIN AND THEY HAVE PROBLEM WITH GROWING THEY DONT STOP GROWING LIKE WHE N YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STOP AT 20 THEY KEEP GOING WITH THEY GET BICEPS SO BIG BECAUSE THEYT WANT GIRLFRIEND BUT THATS NOT HOW YOU GET GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU CAN HAVE MANY GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU AR A MACHO MAN STYLE YOU CAN PLAY SPORTS WITH YOURSELF LULZ J/K J/K

AND THERE IS ROCK STYLE WHICH IS LIKE MANY STYLES MODRN AND OLDE AND CLASSIC, BUT MOST BASIC WAY TO GET ROCK STYLE IS TO HAVE TEIGHT PANTS AND WEAR THEM SO PROUD, LIEK AMERICAN IN TEXAS. I HEARD BOSTON TEXAS HAS VERY GOOD MUSIC FOR HIGH SCHOOLS LISTENR.

IF YOU WANT TO GET MANY GIRLFRINDS AND BE SUCCESFL AND MAKE MANY FRIEND THAN LISTEN TO MY TIPS. WHERE COOL CLTOHS AND DONT BE AFRAID OF DISEASE OR YOU HAVE BORING LIFE.

NoW YOU CAN STYLE LIKE A PRO FROM MY TIP[S FOR TRIXKS
NEXT TIME I WILL TALK ABOUT FOR GIRLS HOW TO GET BOYFRIEND OR MAYBE HOW TO BE REBEL LIEK ME I DUNNO IT YET YET SO MAYBE SOON I WILL DO IT

some girls

-Some Girls

It’s not always so easy spotting out the lovers from the guppies. Thing’s have changed, any girl who buys a new outfit from H&M believes she is a fashion icon. These girls live off Guess specials.

Cutting the arms off a shirt doesn’t make you a fashion designer; neither does spilling red wine on a white blouse. You might as well make Kraft dinner with hot dogs and call yourself a house wife.

When I get my big break I’m gonna smoke cigarettes under water through a snorkel.

his girlfriend was a whore: a st patrics day story

my computer had 0 infections, i have 4 ba dum tsk! just kidding

so there i am standing on the patio having a cigarette, some overweight tranqualizer whore, decides to make fun of my total friends awesome vest, he responds "its okay, everyone has a taste bud" but i think her taste buds went sour, her angry abusive boyfriend says ill beat you up come down here he says no dude i dont like fighting so he swings at richi and i was like wow rich isnt there, but you hit me, and that sort of tickled. and he got really mad.

i dont know about you guys but i dont show my girlfriend im macho by getting angry and beating people up for no reason, i show them i am macho by not being afraid to dress better than them on any given day. they love having a trophy bf at their side, gives them self esteem.

i am a total helper to girls with low confidence, by being better than them at everything they feel they are visually appearing better to other people than their self esteems go so high that they decide to move on, when that happens and they realize they were only self esteemed because of me they come crying right on back, but i say. "I am like the wind, moving oonnnnnnn"

i did some shots ran into some pals, talked to some gals... but not the hot ones, they were hard to talk to. but most not hot ugly girls are usually realy good people,unless they weigh 3000 lbs cause no one that weights 3000lbs is nice.

TIME WAS MOVING SLOW, so i did a surfer dude dance, Rich pretended to be australian but he really sucked at it, around this time graham was around mumbling things, i didnt really know what he was talkig about because he wasnt really there just his mouth was moving and some sounds were coming out.

i pulled up pants into capris even though they looked silly with my socks but i did it anyways cause i was pretty wasted, thats wat drunks do, ... dumb things. well so i thought it was about time for me to go on a adventure so i went to walk down the street where a ferocious fire breathing thick scaled douche bag was bothers some of our promo girls, so i pulled out my sword of 1000 truths and totally slayed him down and rescued the girls and brought them back to diablo to get experience points, and i totally gained a level! best quest ever.

than i decided it was time to get some more xp by walking down hess and running into people from my class and matt bereberick who was totally normal weight now which was weird for me to accept but i got to it.

i left there to go down to che where i ran into a female whom braught me to her house, which was down the street, i tried to put on the song from surfer dude but i couldnt realy see straight so i got her to help, i had to pee but her light wasnt working so i told her i have to go, i went outside and i forgot i had to pee, than i forgot i was at her house, than i ran into rich and meg pie who is a really wise mathmetician-sian? anyways

next thing i remember is eating frozen food right before i went to sleep regrtting a majority of the things ive said... maybe done uhm yeah than i slept

some guy said i looked like bon jovi

i told him bon jovi could suck my dick, he wasnt too happy and very studdled by the look on his face.

haloween is a time where girls feel accepted for being dressed as whores. some bitch sat on my table so i told her she was in my view.. she was ignoring me. when i tapped her and said tables arent for sitting she turned red and left the bar, her friend was an insecure cunt who kept telling the one nice girl with that awesome tats that we were liars... we were lying, but that doesnt mean we were gonna take her shit.

once i told her that her opinion would matter more to me after she lost 15 lbs she too turned red and left with her friend.

this soap i was my hands with smells amazing.

...anyways, if you choose to be a cum guzzling slut you should atleast give me some in and outs after i put you down.

i wonder if she takes it in the ass

i went to the grocery store to get some milk for my morning bowl of honey nut cherios and there was a cop cruiser outside. i thought it was some minor robery but when i went inside i saw a crack head naked in the tampon section doint the macarena like the robot, she was an amazing dancer.
the cop tried escorting her out but she went for a smooch on the lip of the cop.. the cop threw up rainbow sprinkles and they had to call the janitor..


3 tattos and a cigarette burn later she does take it in the ass, that bitch is a fucking maching.
whole lotta holes on her yar yar yar.

i wrote a haiku

Summer dawn
Llingere
Utters for tots
Turbulance for when she shags

condoms on the dance floor

when those lights get dimmed and the light shows hit effect, its okay to see guys emptying their pockets to the ground, when im in area of effect it is a hometown advantage for me. those assholes try their best for pull me from my game. I'm just unnaturaly a better dancer.

of course i cant take every girl back home with me, i've only got so much jam. but for those 3-5 who are experimental and outgoing try your best. dont get your hopes up guys, girls hold on to your thoughts if you're slighty above a 9.5 chances are i might pay attention to you. dont ever get your hopes up dont be intimdated, its outdated.

who else can make john travlota look like an asshole on the dance floor.

play some good music dj.